plumnovel Chapter 34 The Scumbag's Mantra: Don't Take Initiative, Don't Reject, Don't Take
Chapter 34 The Scumbag's Mantra: Don't Take Initiative, Don't Reject, Don't Take
The morning mist at Zizhu Peak has a distinctly impoverished feel to it.
On the table was a bowl of pale green porridge, bubbling eerily.
That was a "slightly toxic" breakfast specially provided by Second Senior Sister Hongyao.
"Pooh."
A loud noise broke the silence.
Ah Tuo wore a dirty pink apron, held his head high, and had a cold and arrogant look in his eyes.
As it passed by the table, it precisely added a mouthful of thick phlegm to the bowl of green porridge.
Yu Liang stared at the porridge, and his stomach began to ache.
A sickening scraping sound came from the doorway.
Su Xiu was desperately sharpening the chipped kitchen knife, her voice colder than the blade itself.
"Eat quickly. You'll be full before you set off."
Without turning her head, she cut off a layer of the whetstone.
"If I get beaten to death tomorrow, I'll shave your head, braid it into ropes to sell, and skin you to make lanterns. At least I can recoup my three copper coins."
Yu Liang's lips twitched.
That brat, she spouts such harsh words, yet her hands tremble like she has Parkinson's.
He didn't reply, but opened the book "Everything Can Be Plated," which was stained with the oil from braised pork.
The first page, with its messy handwriting, exudes a sense of frivolity:
[To master this skill, first treat yourself like a fart and let it go.]
Everything in the universe has its edges and corners; life is full of bumps and stumbles.
Since there's no way to avoid it, then face the challenge head-on.
Those who resist are foolish; those who evade are cowardly.
【This is the only thing to do!】
[Wipe it until it's round and smooth like a pearl, until it's shiny and lustrous, until it's completely smooth and even, and then the dish is done.]
Yu Liang closed his eyes.
Inhale.
The spiritual energy leaks out as soon as it enters the body, leaving the body like a broken sieve that lets in air from all sides.
The only benefit was that it took away the last bit of heat from my body.
It's refreshingly cool.
"Crunch."
A crisp sound came from the side.
Pig Lord was happily chewing on a low-grade spirit stone, scattering crumbs all over the ground.
"Leave some for me!"
Yu Liang reached out to grab it.
The pig's trotters stomp fiercely, quickly and accurately.
Yu Liang was instantly left with a plum blossom mark on his face and fell backward.
Su Xiu rushed over like a gust of wind.
Without even glancing at Yu Liang, she lay down on the ground and carefully picked up the spirit stone fragments covered in pig saliva and mud.
That expression looked like it hurt more than if someone had cut off a piece of their flesh.
"What a waste! This scrap can be used to feed chickens!"
Yu Liang lay on the ground, looking at the drafty roof, feeling that he couldn't live like this anymore.
Humans are worse than pigs.
"Are you all here?"
A smell of cheap liquor wafted into the yard.
Gu Santong, carrying a large gourd of wine, swayed as he stepped across the threshold.
The old man's face was ruddy, but his cloudy old eyes were full of calculation.
"My good disciple, tomorrow is a life-or-death situation."
He chuckled, revealing a mouthful of yellow teeth.
"To prevent you from being torn apart by those mad dogs who want to earn five hundred spirit stones, your master has specially prepared the supreme treatment of Purple Bamboo Peak for you—hellish special training."
The voice just fell.
A chilling wind swept through the courtyard, instantly swallowing up the morning light.
"Junior brother, a living person's body is too soft."
The eldest disciple, Kumu, appeared at the doorway as if by teleportation, carrying a two-meter-long coffin made of ancient, dark wood.
A fanatical "concern" appeared on the zombie's face.
"Only by dying once can one understand the true meaning of hardness."
A cold, iron-like hand grabbed Yu Liang by the back of his collar.
"Get out of here!"
The world spun around.
"Clang!"
Yu Liang was stuffed into a coffin filled with the smell of decay.
Just as the coffin lid was about to close, a mournful erhu melody suddenly erupted.
The sixth senior brother sat cross-legged on the head of the coffin, wailing, his blind eyes staring at the sky.
The broken erhu played with the force of a thousand troops rushing to be reincarnated.
"Junior brother, hold on! Your senior brother will play you a piece called 'The Vengeful Ghost's Soul-Snatching Song'!"
"If you can't hold on and die, this piece of music will seamlessly transition into your final act! A complete package, meticulously crafted!"
"Let me out! This is murder!"
Yu Liang frantically pounded on the coffin wall, suffocating from lack of oxygen.
"It's so noisy, I can't hear the seeds sprouting at all."
The soil under the coffin loosened.
The third senior brother, Tu San, emerged with his bald head, looking like a newly unearthed potato.
He held a handful of foul-smelling black mud, which was top-quality fertilizer that had been fermenting in the monster's latrine for three years.
"Bury it deeper! By this time next year, we can harvest a whole tree of 'Innate Dao Embryos'!"
"No, it will soften as soon as it's planted."
The cold, mechanical sound was accompanied by the clattering of gears turning.
Fourth Senior Brother Mo Ju's single eye flashed with blue light, and the chainsaw in his hand hissed.
"The bone is extremely inflexible. Amputation is recommended. My 'Bonebreaker III' was just plated with mithril, so I'll test the cutting feel."
The serrated edge pierced through the board, coming within 0.01 centimeters of Yu Liang's nose.
Wood chips flew everywhere.
"Oh dear, how rude."
On Fifth Senior Sister's face, which lacked facial features, the lips painted with rouge split into an eerie arc.
She held the embroidery needle with its vein still attached, and like a snake, she slipped into the crack of the coffin.
"It won't be pretty if the skin gets damaged. If it tears later, your senior sister will sew it up with a 'Night Parade of One Hundred Demons' for you."
"Get out of the way! Don't ruin my perfect medicine cauldron!"
The second senior sister, Hongyao, rang out with her charming and alluring voice.
The coffin lid was forcibly pried open.
A slender, delicate hand carried a wooden bucket bubbling with purple liquid and poured it in without a care.
"This is a specially prepared 'Ten Thousand Poisons Tempering Soup,' with added Gelsemium elegans, Bone-Corroding Serpent venom, and my senior sister's foot bath water from last night as a medicinal ingredient! Don't waste it!"
"Pooh!"
As Ah Tuo passed by again, he choked on a mouthful of phlegm as he looked at the poisonous soup that was about to be poured in.
Precisely seasoned.
Shila-
Zombie gas, fertilizer, chainsaw oil, embroidery needles, highly toxic foot bath water, and alpaca saliva.
At this moment, Yu Liang felt as if he was not cultivating immortality.
It is being pickled.
……
Night falls.
Yu Liang was thrown back onto the bed like a dead dog whose tendons had been pulled out.
It reeked of the stench of corpses, engine oil, and a strange medicinal fragrance, and even flies swarmed around it.
Su Xiu sat on the edge of the bed, counting the "compensation for mental distress" she had extorted from her senior brothers and sisters by the moonlight.
The sound of copper coins clashing together was crisp and pleasant.
She took a wet towel, avoiding the bruises, and vigorously wiped Yu Liang's face.
He was still muttering curses under his breath.
"Serves you right! Serves you right for showing off!"
"I might as well get beaten to death tomorrow, then I won't have to spend money on mats!"
A drop of scalding water hit Yu Liang's face without warning.
Yu Liang struggled to open his eyes.
Su Xiu quickly turned her head, wiped her face hard with her sleeve, and sniffed.
"What are you looking at! Go to sleep!"
She yelled fiercely, blew out the light, and huddled in the corner with her money bag.
Like a small animal guarding its food, it was wary of everything in the darkness.
Outside, the explosions at the foot of the mountain sounded like a death knell.
Five hundred spirit stones.
That would be enough for those outer disciples to tear him to pieces.
Tomorrow, when the sun rises, it will be my death day.
His body was completely empty, without a trace of spiritual power.
Those poisons only hardened the skin and flesh slightly; they were no match for the cultivator's flying sword.
not enough.
Far from enough.
With trembling hands, Yu Liang used the moonlight to open the book "Everything Can Be Played with" again.
[Treat yourself like a fart, and let it go.]
This absurd statement swirled in my mind like a curse.
Why is it a fart?
Because farts can't be held back.
Because only in the instant of bursting forth can there be movement and power.
Yu Liang stared intently at his dantian.
Since it's a funnel, and since it can't be plugged...
Then there won't be any traffic jams!
If we can't keep it, then we won't!
A crazy idea exploded in my mind.
He doesn't need to keep the spiritual energy in his body; he only needs the spiritual energy to "pass through"!
As long as the speed of passage is fast enough and the flow is large enough!
That kind of instantaneous high-speed friction can generate terrifying heat and explosive force!
Like a high-pressure water gun.
Water can't be retained, but the jet of water that's sprayed out can cut through steel plates!
Yu Liang suddenly sat up straight, his eyes flashing with an alarming intensity.
At that moment, he understood.
This is hardly a cultivation technique.
This is clearly the "Three Laws of Scumbag Men"!
Do not actively (do not force the spiritual energy to stay).
Do not refuse (inhale all that comes).
Irresponsible (passing through without a second thought).
"bring it on!"
Yu Liang growled, completely releasing his body's defense mechanisms.
He transformed himself into an inn with open doors, a conduit with only an entrance and an exit.
suck!
The spiritual energy within a radius of 100 meters was swallowed by the whale.
Meridians are no longer containers, but highways.
pain!
The spiritual energy was like countless steel wool balls, frantically rubbing against the fragile meridian walls.
Yu Liang's face was contorted, and his Taoist robe was soaked with cold sweat.
But he didn't stop; instead, he accelerated even more frantically.
"Get through this, you son of a bitch!!!"
laugh--!
laugh--!
All 36,000 pores on the body open at the same time.
A visible stream of white gas shot out from his body, emitting a sharp whistling sound like a pressure cooker releasing gas.
My whole body felt like a boiled shrimp, and my body temperature rose sharply.
"Hmph?"
Pig Lord was startled awake.
It lifted its heavy eyelids and twitched its nose.
The exhaust fumes that were spewing out...
It even contained a trace of extremely faint, yet pure, power of the rules that was chilling.
That is the "Taoist essence" forcibly stripped away from cause and effect through rapid friction.
Pigsy's beady eyes suddenly lit up.
It silently approached, opened its large mouth, and sprayed the "exhaust gas" coming out of Yu Liang's body.
Take a deep breath.
belch--
Piglet let out a satisfied burp, looking utterly blissful, as if he had just taken some drugs.
"ah--!!!"
A scream pierced the night sky.
Su Xiu got up in the middle of the night and opened the door, just in time to see this scene:
Yu Liang was covered in smoke, his expression was ferocious, and he made strange, deflated sounds.
A pig next to him was frantically inhaling air into his buttocks and back, looking completely blissful.
This scene is too beautiful, too perverse.
"Are you crazy?! What are you doing?!"
Su Xiu was so frightened that she threw the abacus out of her hand.
Snapped!
The abacus landed squarely on Yu Liang's head.
The cultivation was interrupted.
Yu Liang collapsed onto the bed, utterly exhausted.
pain.
It felt like every inch of my body's meridians had been scraped by a knife.
But he laughed.
He laughed so hard his whole body trembled, and tears streamed down his face.
He raised his hand and looked at his palm.
Although his body was still completely empty, with no trace of spiritual energy remaining.
but……
On the walls of the meridians, however, a faint, warm, jade-like luster remained.
That patina was forcibly "polished" out by high-speed spiritual energy!
So this is the Qi Refining Realm!
The art of being a scumbag, mastered!